Sunday, October 15, 2017

The freedom of being FREE

Now, you might think this post is about our Nation and everything that is going on it it, but it's not.

There are enough posts about that anywhere that you want to look.

This is more about self freedom.
And free quilt patterns (we will get to those in a minute.)

It's fall. Everything happens to our family in the fall.
Jerry has had all 9 of his strokes in the fall, but not all in the same year.
He was diagnosed with Chron's in the fall.
He was diagnosed with end stage liver disease in the fall.
Each of these things happened in different years.
I start all my new jobs on the fall.
First it was the pumpkin patch, then the grocery store.
Now the photo lab. (The third largest photo lab in the country I might add.)

So, I've been waiting...holding my breath to see what else would happen this fall.
I mean, I did get my new job and it's amazing.
I get to work ALL ALONE at night running three presses. The best part of that is the being alone part. The running of the presses is not so easy. But, I'm learning.

Still, it's fall. What will happen to Jerry? Something ALWAYS does.
Well, he has fallen multiple times. Like worse than ever, that man falls all of the time.
Oh and I guess he did spend a week in the hospital.
Should I quit holding my breath? Is that IT? To us a week long hospital stay is nothing. Routine almost. That can't be it. But maybe, yet...?

You see, I have trust issues.
After 7 years of drama, and just last spring losing my car, home and business, I just don't trust anything.
My lack of trust was causing me to hang on to my grocery store job. I am tired of not being able to feed the family. We recently had to borrow money to pay to keep the utilities on. So now we are paying that back as well as utilities.
You might be surprised to know what we've lived on. It's not what I would like, but it's food.
My car is a year 2000. It has issues. I have to trust it for my commute, but I don't like to.
I used to be amazing at trusting... but not anymore. I fail in that area now.

So I didn't want to give up the grocery store job. I wanted to work it on the weekends.

But my husband begged. And begged. And begged. For me to quit.
I posted on FB and asked opinions.
They all knew my situation about recently losing everything though, and they said to keep the second job.
(Oops, forgot to tell you that sometimes my new job will have slow periods where my hours will get cut.)

But Jerry still begged. I was supposed to work at the grocery store yesterday. If I had then I would've worked 52 hours this past week.
Jerry had a really rough night Friday night and none of us got sleep.
I didn't go into work yesterday. He got his way, I quit my job.
The family was so exhausted by the time we fell into bed last night, that little Stephen slept 14 hours.
He's never done that.
Mom was home, dad was safe in bed. And Stephen finally felt rested.
That little guy shoulders the responsibility TOO TOO much when I am gone. He always worries about his dad, and he gets mad at himself for not being around if Jerry falls. So we've been hiding the falls from Stephen.
I haven't shown you a photo of my little man for a long time have I?

Well that is because I basically quit blogging. Many of you know that I love to blog.

So that is what this post is about.
Freedom to do what I want.
Last night after Stephen fell asleep and Jerry was tucked into bed, I propped myself up in bed and thought about life a bit.

And I was happy.
I am free from working two jobs. This coming week we will FINALLY have a full paycheck from the new job and things will be better.
I am considering doing crafts on the side to make up for the time when work is slow and my hours get cut.
More about that tomorrow.
I was going to blog about that on this post but I've been too wordy as it is.
I'll also talk about those free quilt patterns. I think I'll blog for several days this week.

Because now I am FREE to do that.
Last night I was thinking that now I am FREE now to sew more. I didn't know what I wanted to do first!
EPP? Machine Embroidery? Knit?
EPP won out. It does most often if I have time alone without the house running full of boys. (Like it is now...I am hiding in my sewing room. A house full of 7 year old boys is something to run from.)
And it hit me...I will finally be free to sew what I want, when I want.
With the new job I work ten hour days (or nights I should say.)
I'll be off for three day weekends and THEY WILL BE FREE!
I have the entire day to sew today!

Oh, and before I go enjoy my free time today, would you like to see how much my little Stephen has grown?

Here are a couple of photos. Don't mind his long hair. He wants to grow it long. And in our home he has the freedom to do so. (Daddy's arm had to be twisted about that.)
Because in my life, I have learned to not worry a bit about trivial things like length or color of hair.

Oh better, yet, I just made this video as "Public".
It is of Stephen at a recent Fall festival where he got to learn how to shoot a bow and arrow, make his own rope, try sorghum molasses, among other things.
Go have a look. He's growing up. Bittersweet.

1 comment:

  1. Stephen looks very happy in the video. Take care of you though!!! Prayers out there from me to you.